18 October 2016

So I've been playing the Pokemon Sun and Moon demo. I don't really know how I feel right now. I mean obviously I love it and I'm super excited for the game, but I don't have that giddy feeling. One reason is probably because I watched a livestream of it so I already know pretty much how it plays out in the beginning, but also because I know there is school and college apps impeding me from enjoying the experience. I can already see myself on November 18th wanting to play the game, probably playing the game, but them getting stressed out because I still need to finish my UC apps and the other random apps that are due in December and January. I'm glad that I'm done with my standardized tests though. I technically only have 2 SAT Subject Tests that I got good scores on because the third one is Chinese and the fourth one is like a 600 something in Chemistry, but I think I'm okay for what I'm aiming for.

I see my friends who aim high and go for these great schools, and I kind of wish I could have that kind of motivation to achieve because at this point I don't really care that much. I'm kind of just okay with whatever comes my way as long as I can live a decent life. I get that there are many opportunities and experiences that you can have if you go to top schools like MIT, Stanford, etc. but seeing as how my life hasn't been crazy, I don't have anything amazing to say, and my grades aren't anywhere near good enough, I don't want to psych myself up for something that is 99% chance not going to happen. I don't even have a great love for these schools either. At one point, I thought Carnegie Mellon was my top school, but now I'm thinking about it, I don't really know if it's my top school. Actually I know it isn't. I mean I would love to get in seeing as though it's top ranked in the major I'm choosing, but I don't have any pressing reason that I absolutely want to go to that school; I don't have any particular emotion or love towards the school.

I'm not even sure if some of my friends have any great love for their top school. One of my friends really wants to go to MIT. Another friend really wants to go to Brown. They both have legitimate reasons why they want to go in terms of their career goals, but they aren't reasons that the schools haven't already heard a million times. I hate the "Why _____" question. I feel like if they give that question, it should at least be optional with a different question as the main essay because honestly, that question is only beneficial if you have some amazing story to tell like how you love waffles or something. Otherwise it's just another bullshit essay we have to write and pretend to care about and another bullshit essay the admissions is forced to read. It's kind of a waste.

I guess it could be a sort of motivation for you to go visit and research and find something you end up loving about the school. But I don't have the motivation to pay a thousand bucks to travel across US seeing as though I don't even care enough about the school in the first place. Who even knows.

Earlier today, my mom started yelling at my oldest sister because she was planning on dying her hair green again. And then she started yelling at me because I told her she cares too much about that stuff. We had this huge fight and now I'm just pissed. I made some damn good points, but of course she's my mom so of course she has to be a bigoted piece of shit that can't even understand basic logic. I would put our entire exchange here but that would just make me more mad and would probably take 3000 years so I'm just going to stop and calm down.

No but really, why do people give a shit when other people dye their hair or get tattoos. My dance teacher dyed her hair and she still looks hot as hell. In fact I think it gives her more character. I don't go like wow, how could a teacher dye their hair that's so unprofessional like give me god damn break it is 2016. Even if it was like 300 BC I still wouldn't give a damn. My AP Biology teacher once told us that she has a dislike for tattoos and whenever she sees someone with tattoos she automatically judges them for it. BUT THEN, she takes a step back and thinks, you know, I don't know their story, I don't know their skills, their personality, IN FACT, WAIT, I DON'T KNOW SHIT, SO HOW ABOUT I CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND STOP BEING A PIECE OF SHIT? Really. Check yourself please.