25 October 2016

I care.

It kind of annoys/saddens me when people post on social media that nobody cares about them and they should just leave or delete their account. On one hand I understand that they may be feeling down that day, or they may have depression and anxiety and may actually believe it at times, but when they post those kinds of words somewhere where only their friends (the people who care about them) can see, it kind of makes me feel like all the caring I did—or at least thought I did—didn't mean anything to them. I love you I wish you could feel like people love you all the time but I know we all have our insecure moments.

And then a bunch of people post that they care and that they are an amazing person, and I just have to wonder why it has to be like this. You had to have known a bunch of people would come and try to cheer you up, so what was the point. Let's say that none of these people actually do care, and they are just saying all of this to be nice or good mannered. If that's the case, then you wouldn't know anyway and you just have a bunch of people pretending to care so what was the point of asking in the first place if everyone might just be fake. I honestly don't think it's like this. I might think so if it was Facebook or something where you're "friends" with everyone, but not in this case. Now let's say everyone actually does care. Well then the problem is solved and people do care so why do you need people to tell you explicitly. I probably just don't understand.

This is similar to when a different friend gave me the impression that she didn't want to be friends with me because I didn't provide her with anything positive back. I felt like everything I had done in the past, thinking it was helpful, didn't mean shit.

I know that their post obviously wasn't a personal attack or anything like that and it was just feelings, we all have feelings, but I always wonder at the mindset.

I could never post in an area surrounded by friends that nobody gives a shit about me. I would feel like I was undermining all the love and help I've received from them. Maybe I'm just lucky enough to feel like I have people who care. But as someone who cares about them, even if they don't think so, I won't believe that I'm the only one.

This morning I was debating if I should post a comment trying to cheer them up. If I didn't, would that mean that I didn't care about them enough. In the end I didn't because I was salty and petty. Everyone feels down so it isn't even that big of a deal, but I just can never wrap my head around it. Then again I never really post about my emotions on social media, so I probably just don't know.