17 February 2016

I take naps when I'm tired. But, most of the time, I take naps when I'm sad or angry or anxious. When I'm sleeping nobody can bother me, nor can I feel any emotion. Today should have been a good day since it's my birthday. I'm not even sure if it's a bad day. Yesterday I had my karaoke birthday party, and it was really fun, but after the party, one of my friends (Aditi) slept over. Normally that would have been fine, but I'm not sure if she is mad at me or something. Today at like 7:30 AM, she went home without telling me; in the middle of the night, she went downstairs to sleep on the couch. I already knew that the makeshift bed in my room was a bit too small since she is really tall, so I guess it was more uncomfortable than she let off. I feel bad for that. We should have just slept downstairs. She has slept over before, but I guess, before, the floor-bed my mom set up was more comfortable. Maybe she didn't tell me she was leaving because she didn't want to make it awkward? Or because I was still sleeping? I'm just afraid she's mad/annoyed because she hasn't texted me, even after I texted her a few times already. I even texted the group text with Dhanya and her to ask about our San Francisco trip tomorrow, but neither one replied. The trip is literally tomorrow. Like is it happening?

I felt kind of sad because of that, and I was getting really anxious. Then my mom started talking about her shitty past again when I was trying to watch Prince of Stride, so I just went to sleep. I always regret it when I do it since I basically sleep a whole day away—my birthday this time at that—but I guess what's done is done.

I wonder if we are still going to San Francisco tomorrow. I really want to go. Everything was supposed to be fine. If it messes up, then I guess I should've known seeing as though Aditi and I were talking about how screwed up our friend's lives are becoming.

Yesterday, when we were at karaoke, I jokingly said to Girl C that she should run away one day to live in my basement since her parents are giving her such a hard time. She said that she actually did think of running away just yesterday; she looked so pained. Before even going to karaoke, Girl D suddenly had to leave my preliminary house party. Aditi texted her, and apparently her parents said that she was wasting time. I mean come on, it's break. It's just one day.

Before we went to sleep, Aditi and I talked about how we felt like their lives were spiraling downward. Girl C had said that she was/is hurting herself, and her dumbass boyfriend that we all dislike isn't helping matters. Guy C who confessed to her literally a few days ago isn't really helping things either. Girl D seems to be on the exact same path as Aditi's brother, which is really bad in an emotional sense. Why does everything just suck. We were saying how we wished Girl C could come with us to San Francisco tomorrow instead of going with Guy C and someone else to Valley Fair. I'm sure she's happy to go, so I don't know. Why do I have to watch everyone crash and burn knowing I can't do anything about it. It's like sitting there and watching a train wreck happen in slow motion. I'm not MacGyver; I can't save anyone. I mean it's their parents. What can any of us do but be there. But we can't really be there all the time either. I just don't know. I'm not one of those people.