Then I had a Chemistry test that I feel like I totally bombed. In the bad way. Well it's not really like I didn't know the material, I just wasn't super sure about it. And I talked to my friend after class as usual, and was ranting as usual. But now that I'm here at home, listening to my mom yell at my sister, I realize: what's the point in the end. We yell about everything, we get mad about everything, and, in the end, the situation is still the same. Well the thought is that if you get yourself riled up (or get someone you're trying to convince mad enough with your ranting about how much they suck) then you will convince yourself, or them, to change, if only to stop the yelling.

So now my mom is yelling at my sister, and she's talking about me again. Like wow don't even. Is talking about people behind their back your thing. She always says "oh I would never do anything to hurt you. I do all of this to help you". Hahaha I guess I could believe that, but "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", is that not the saying. Oh and now she's saying "wow I should just hit my head into the wall and kill myself, that's better. Then I won't have to look at you anymore. Then you'll change. [speaking to my sister]". You are idealistic aren't you. Man I should just kill myself so I don't have to do math anymore. I won't have to listen to your stupidity anymore. What do you expect in the end. Do people change in the 5 seconds you are yelling? No of course not. But then again, I don't know about my sister, but I'm not really doing much to change either. The world tries to teach us to accept our bodies and all that bullshit, but I don't want to. I'm unhealthy because of how fat I am, and at the same time I'm ugly. Yet I'm just sitting hear being a failure.

Now there's some stupid shit that my mom is going on about. How my other sister always wears short stuff now. But it's like in the end why does it even matter. She's basically on the side of old tradition that is against stuff like super short pants and wearing what you want. I feel like she's one of the people that disapprove of people who have sex a lot and see them as "sluts". Basically in a negative way. What really shocked me was when my sister said her opinion on it, which is my opinion as well,  my mom said that when pretty people with nice bodies do it, they look nice so it's fine. Oh jesus lord in heaven. You're like that douche bag on the street that people hate. Now she's saying how people shouldn't get tattoos because they're ugly. Wow I wasn't going to use this word but I really have to now. Man my mom is acting like such a bitch. And then earlier when they were still talking about my other, skinny sister, she said that every time she tells her to pull down her dress when she sits down and stands up. Well yeah that's true I guess, but then she says she tells her because she doesn't know. My sister tells her why do you keep telling her. She already knows. And my mom literally like yells "NO. SHE DOESN'T KNOW". As if she's trying to convince the world that she doesn't know. Like of course she doesn't know, everyone else but me is stupid. 

Then she always mentions about her life sucked and she's fat too and her mom used to always yell at her for even drinking water. How we should be so glad that she doesn't stop us from drinking water. Well first of all, not to speak ill of the dead, but wow your mom clearly didn't know the most basics of human life. Second of all, that's like saying wow you should be glad I don't murder you, or try to murder you :)". Wtf man, no I shouldn't "be glad" of that shit, I should expect it. That's right, you owe me that right as a human being. 

I'm just so tired of life. I'm so tired of being ugly. Why can't I just be one of those people with high metabolism and even when they eat 50 snacks they still look like a stick. Why do I need to try so hard. Yeah that's right, I'm just lazy. Call me that, it's true anyway. If I really tried, I could do it. I know I could, it's not like I have a disease stopping me like some people do. Well at least I don't think I do. I'm just tired.