4 July 2017

One day in Taiwan and I'm already regretting everything. Somehow my mom forgets to bring her stamp which she needs in order to do anything and now she's blaming us for everything. As usual she's bringing up past shit that doesn't even matter anymore just so she can get even more mad while I sit here wanting to run away but I can't because I'm in freaking Taiwan. I kind of knew something would happen because something always happens. Everyday in Taiwan is basically listening to her scream about how everyone around her is plotting something or the other as if she's the greatest thing since sliced boar. Like you really aren't as important as you think and nobody actually gives THAT many shits about you. You screaming isn't going to solve any problems so why can't you do something actually productive like getting a new stamp instead of sitting here yelling at me and dad as if we can magically make it appear. She also somehow loses her Sim card somewhere so there's that not that I know what's happening anyway. Wait, of course she didn't lose it or leave it at home, it "disappeared" or my dad took it or something even though she's the one who stuffs everything and their mom into her bag. Apparently she's told us to help her remember to bring this stuff but she really hasn't like how would I have known you would forget the single most important thing before flying 13 hours across the world. I literally have 0 recollection of her mentioning a stamp to me. I'm not even mad she forgot, I'm mad that she always has to start screaming about bygones and then suddenly it's not our fault but in fact our AUNT'S fault for asking her if she needs help with anything. Like my god you are killing me here. She still holds resentment for something that happened decades ago. And she's telling us that it's good her memory is bad now or else she wouldn't be able to forgive us like holy shit so now I'm being forgiven by your holy highness for stuff I don't even know I did? I should be given an award for most clueless offender on planet Earth courtesy of wild mom. Sometimes things are not so big a deal if you just calm the fuck down. Why can't you just believe not everyone in this world is a bad person. Oh great now she's telling me to stop playing on my phone because it will deteriorate my brain. I'm not playing, I'm writing this blog post to vent my rising internal anger so I don't pop off and jump out the damn window. So no, I'm not getting dumber, I'm just trying not to kill myself under your influence.

It's funny because I use my phone to pretend I'm not listening to her screaming but all I can hear is her screaming. Mindlessly swiping my phone hiding behind a screen but not being able to actually concentrate on doing something because my brain automatically keeps listening to what she's saying. I'm typing this because I want to escape this place but I can't. Typing and typing forever until I wonder if she's making me crazy too. Maybe I strive to be so "chill" because I'm trying so hard to not become my mom.