6 January 2016

I don't really know what I think of math. Usually I just say I hate it with a passion, but sometimes I don't really hate it that much. Usually it depends on how well I understand what we are learning about. For example, I loved the feeling of exhilaration I got when I solved a two column proof in geometry. It's just so satisfying when you stare at a geometric diagram for a while, gears turning, running through all the possible steps, and when you finally arrive to the conclusion, that furious scribbling of all the steps is such an amazing eureka moment. It also helps that I really liked my 8th grade geometry teacher. I had the feeling that I couldn't disappoint him.

I hated math in seventh grade. It literally just didn't make sense to me. For some reason, I was just so bad at factoring quadratics with big numbers (and still kind of am). I didn't understand the concept of simplifying a fraction with quadratics on the top and bottom. Thinking back, I really don't think it should have been that hard. But seriously, how do these people around me just immediately know the factors of a quadratic in literally a second. Do they have it memorized or something? Jesus. But strangely enough, it was just quadratics. I got a really good score on the final test. I'm pretty sure that final test is what convinced my teacher to let me move on to geometry instead of repeating. She said she would write a comment that I didn't do too well for my next teacher. Which is funny because, as I wrote above, I did well in geometry. Honestly, I was surprised she even let me move on. One time, I went into the library to do a retake on a test (oh back in those glorious, lenient days), and it was about simplifying fractions with quadratics or something, and I went in still not understanding how to do them. So I literally just sat down, stared at the paper, tried to do the problems, didn't solve any of the problems, talked to a few friends walking by (library was crowded so teacher didn't see), and left when the bell rang. As I handed the test to my teacher, I was so calm as I said I didn't finish (see: didn't know shit) and just walked out. Those days were so much less stressful. It didn't feel like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

I also hated math in 9th grade. My teacher just started teaching that year, and he was god awful. I've told the stories of my woes in his class to like all my friends already, so I'm not really in the mood to type it out now. Maybe I'll do it some other day when I'm not using my phone to type the post like I am now. My fingers hurt. But anyway, I somehow managed to scrape through algebra 2/trig with A's. He taught another year. And then he either left because the pressure of everyone's disdain got to him, or he just got fired.

Last year Pre-Calculus was somewhat hard, but it was okay. The teacher was strict, but I liked her. I got a low B first semester and an A second semester. 

Now I'm a junior, and oh my god I hate it. I don't even do that much work since I'm lazy, but because I don't do shit, I got hella B's. I'm still waiting for my APUSH grade which is a low B, hoping it won't become a C. I cannot get a C.

I'm taking Calculus BC right now, and it's really such a struggle. Sometimes I get the concept we're learning, but most of the time I'm just like what is going on??? It really sucks because in the first few months of school I was consistently getting A's on all my tests and quizzes, but as the semester went on, it just kept declining. I actually practiced and got an A on the integration test (last test before the final), but I had to get like 99% on the final to get an A overall, which I knew wasn't going to happen. If only I didn't get so many D's on my flashcard quizzes.