27 May 2015

to kill someone.

I feel like that urge is always aimed at one of my parents. They say the stupidest shit that cannot be, for the love of God, "good for me".

It's like they yell at me, and when I refute what they accuse me of, they say, "oh why are you getting mad, nobody is accusing you of anything". hahahhAHAHAHAHAAhasasd

Jesus Christ. It's like they have the memory of a goldfish (except my mom; she always seems to remember everything that happens in the past and constantly goes crazy about it. But I've ranted enough about that.) Actually I'm pretty sure the memory of a goldfish is longer (I think I also read somewhere that that phrase is a myth, but whatever).

I just paused typing for around five minutes. I was imagining a scenario where after my dad says the bullshit he just did, I look him straight in the eye, smile, take the container holding the dried meat outside and while still staring at him and smiling, I open the container and dump the meat out. Then after he comes outside, I throw the container at his face and walk away.

It gave me such a rise of contempt and anger within me thinking about that scenario because I know it can never happen.

I'm just really mad right now, but probably not as much as you might think. My face is perfectly normal right now (besides its usual less than attractiveness), I was even smiling when I wrote out the scenario. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I'm angry but not as much as I think I should be.

On a side note, I was strongly debating putting the f-word between "the" and "container" above because that's how I was saying it in my head as I typed, but in the end I just changed it back and took it out. I don't know why, but it's really hard for me to say (or in this case type) f-ck out loud where people can see or are listening. I guess it's stupid because this is my blog; basically nobody will read it. It's really weird because many of my friends from middle school that I never expected to use the word occasionally use it now (some of my friends more frequently verbally, and others less frequently, in chats), and I'm always so shocked when I see it/hear it.