14 May 2015

So these days my dad keeps telling me I need to study more and do more work. I know he's obviously right, but it's making me feel anxious.

I don't like to do things that actually probably matter to my life. I like to chill and do nothing and watch stupid amounts of suggested YouTube videos. I'm not one of those ambitious people. I like to have fun even though I only have like 5 friends.

I don't know why I'm so mad at my parents these days. I just feel so annoyed when they talk to me. Especially my dad. All I ever hear about is grades and not failing the PSAT so I can get scholarships. But I'm afraid because I'm no good at standardized testing, and he keeps bringing up my sister who saved hella money because of her scholarship. Now I feel pressured to do well too, but PSAT is literally a one chance thing. And I can't deal with this. I can't deal with not just being smart because I'm lazy. I have a Chemistry quiz tomorrow and I don't know shit as usual because I don't like to study. I don't want to settle for mediocrity, but I do so anyway. It's stupid.

The only reason I want to be rich is so I can do nothing (this is the stupidest, most idealistic thing to say, I know).

So yeah, I'm having a weird shortness of breath right now.

Then again, maybe it's just the weird smell of the 油飯 my mom is cooking.