The Blog of Elaine Wang

4 June 2016

Every time my mom walks into the room/area I just tense up and feel the mood in the room go to shit. Like I know she's going to sit down on the couch and start talking about bullshit in her past and get really mad about stupid shit and then my dad is going to get mad at my mom for always being so paranoid and being a dumbass in general and then my mom is going to yell at my dad for always getting mad at her even though he's not even that mad and she's the one being such a dumbass and then I get mad internally and it's just so annoying. I can't deal with her bullshit. She always assumes things and thinks she knows what's going on but she actually doesn't know shit?

One week left and I'm done.

They said junior year wouldn't be as bad as people say, and I feel that now that I'm almost done I would be able to say that too. Even though I know it's not true for the sophomores about to start it. Everything difficult looks brighter once it's already over.

One week left and I'm not done.

There's still college apps and the stress of getting into an okay college. I hope I'll be fine.

18 May 2016

Why can't things just be simple so people don't have to be sad.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. It just came up in my mind.

I don't really freak out over things or break down or have panic attacks or anything of that nature. I guess I don't really care enough to. Right now I feel like I should be freaking out. I have to make a bunch of experiments for my Biology PDP group myself because nobody in my group wants to do anything. I don't want to do anything either. That's due Monday. I also have a 10 page essay about an author I know nothing about due on Monday as well that's worth a ton of points so I can't afford to fail it. But I haven't even started. I haven't even finished reading his book, let alone his second book. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have to answer a bunch of questions so I won't fail the BRAWL about The Things They Carried. I have my AP Chinese test tomorrow, and I should be calm about it because I'm okay at Chinese but I also feel like I'm not okay enough. Mainly I'm worried about the essay though. I'm tired. There's also a personal narrative due next Friday and I don't know what I'm going to write for that one either. I think it should be easy but it isn't because we also have to read it out to the class and I'm not okay with that.

12 April 2016

Yesterday night my friend asked me if I was there. I said yes. But I feel asleep soon after so when she replied again asking if I was still there because she needed to talk, I didn't hear. I went to a math practice test this morning at 8 and saw the text. I replied but didn't get an answer until around now. I asked if she still needed to talk. She said no. I don't know if she's okay or not because all she said was no. I don't want to pry and ask her why. I don't know if she meant no to my question asking if she was alive or my question asking her if she still needed to talk. She probably just doesn't want to talk. I wish I hadn't fallen asleep last night. I just don't know what to do. Should I say something? Should I ask her why? I'm not good at this. All I can say is okay. Maybe I'm just worrying too much. But it makes me uncomfortable knowing something might be wrong yet I don't know what to do about it. I wish I were a better friend.