The Blog of Elaine Wang: featured

I know it's hard to believe, but I do actually want to be taught things. No, going home and reading notes and then going to school to do problems doesn't count in my opinion. Elaine, you might say, why don't you just go to class and ask the teacher for help then? How smart you are. But I wouldn't be here typing this if it was that easy, would I? And it really should be that easy. But it isn't because for some reason, every time I ask the teacher for help, I get these vague answers that are low key incorrect or I don't understand. I'm sorry I'm too dumb to understand. It's that interaction you have where the other person is smiling and nodding as they talk but you're just looking at them with a face of non-understanding. But somehow they think you're nodding as well so that's that. Elaine, you must be laughing, surely you aren't the only one who doesn't know shit. You are absolutely correct. But the other people who don't know shit die in the background while the people who actually know what's going on overshadow everything. You never hear the people who scream the loudest in their own mind. And I just feel shitty because, if everyone else can somehow figure all this out, why am I stuck here like a dumbass? Why can't these teachers actually teach. It's not even like they try to teach at school but fail so you have to go home and self study. Now they're actually telling me that they aren't going to teach and I have to learn it myself first. Darling. Please remind me again what your job is and why you're getting paid. I don't care about this weird hippy guy talking about how effective flipped learning is; it doesn't work for me. If I have to learn it myself, and when I go to class, you can't even answer my questions, what am I doing in the class. I might as well not be attending and I would know just as much physics by the end of the year: nothing.

In conclusion, I'm really salty right now because there is a test tomorrow and I'm sitting here wondering about the velocity these atoms of a box are accelerating at. I'm also wondering if I'll be getting the kinematic equations because I still don't remember those. Just let me die. Or, just let me skip to the end of this semester with a B in Physics and Pokemon Moon. I don't even care, I just don't want to experience this bullshit.

Random cool resin necklace I got from Etsy; it has Amethyst, my birthstone.

8:55 PM
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First College Acceptance

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25 October 2016

This actually happened last Friday (October 21st), but I wasn't really in the mood to blog until now. Basically I got my first acceptance letter(?) from Purdue University. It was an email, but that's not really that important. It was almost the end of the school day, and I wasn't really even think about anything except for the random story we were reading since I have Contemporary Literature last, but then I happened to check my email. It was an email from Purdue Admissions (obviously), but I didn't really think about it and thought it was just one of the random reminders they send you, so my acceptance was pretty sudden. There was no feeling of 'man this email is like opening Pandora's Box, I can't do it, it's too much pressure'. Then again, Purdue has rolling admission and is pretty easy to get into so it wouldn't have been that dramatic regardless, but I was still so happy. I had such a dumb grin on my face. I knew they would be accepting the first batch of people on the 21st but for some reason I thought the 21st was a Saturday, and I didn't expect my decision to come out in the first batch.

I'm checking the email again and it's shocking how unaware I am when I check emails. The subject was literally "Congratulations - You're a Boilermaker!". Flew right by me. I kind of wish I could relive that moment of brief euphoria.

On a different note, I got mail from Northeastern University (my sister's school) and in it there were a bunch of nice looking cute letters and even fake Polaroid pictures. Schools spend so much money just sending nice ass shit to people. Basically the stuff just said thanks for applying to our College of Science, here are some letters typed in that handwriting font from our students and staff etc. I just think it's so funny that they use the handwriting font so you think it's personal but it's obviously a font and mass produced letters so I don't know what they're trying to achieve here. Like why are you sending me this stuff if it isn't an acceptance. And they were writing the letter as if I was going to go already, even before I committed, in fact, even before they accepted me! Imagine I don't get in and just look back at the letters wondering what it was all for.

Bless

Now it's awkward because I don't know if I'm even going to go to Purdue depending on the other schools I get into. My grades aren't that great though, so I doubt I'll get into Georgia Tech, Caltech, Carnegie Mellon, etc.

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Almost

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11:52 PM
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Leap Day

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8:55 AM
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Empathy

Dogs

9:51 AM
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That Napping Post

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22 February 2016

Okay so just an update on this post even though it was only like three posts ago, but it turns out Aditi wasn't really mad at me, or at least I don't think she was. She just left her charger at my house, so she couldn't reply to any of my texts since her phone was dead. On the other hand, Dhanya was volunteering, so that's why she didn't reply either. So we ended up chatting on Facebook that night to discuss the San Francisco trip. Well, Dhanya ended up saying she couldn't go because her mom had just planned some dinner with some important people, and she (her mom) was also in a bad mood. I honestly don't know why I was disappointed seeing as though Dhanya and Chung Min rarely end up being able to go. I actually don't think, out of the many times I've been to San Francisco with Aditi, either of the two had ever come with us. So I asked Aditi if she wanted to just go with me, but she said she was tired, and the only reason she was still going to go in the first place was that we had planned the trip together in advance, and it would have been a good way to discuss all our troubles. I don't really voice many of my troubles—mostly because I don't have many—so there wouldn't be as much of a pressing reason for just the two of us to go. We've already been to San Francisco together so many times anyway. Still, I was kind of sad since I really like having fun trips, even if I'm tired. Anyway, since it ended up being just us two (again), we decided to hold off on the trip until the next break in April. Though I'm not too sure about that either since AP tests are right after that break. Don't know how it's all going to work out in the end.

School started today, and I feel like dying as usual. This morning, Dhanya texted me and Aditi in the group text saying, "Ugh somebody kill me before I have to go to hell once again". I just replied saying "same", but Aditi was just like, "You can't kill someone that's already dead." That is literally me everyday though. My entire existence is the lyrics to Evanescence's Wake Me Up Inside. Where's the lie. There is none.

On a side note, I was using gmail's email lookup feature where you can look up all the emails you've ever created that is using your main email as a recovery email (in my case, it would be elainetraps15@gmail.com). I actually could not believe. I mean I remember making this email at one point, and now that I think about it, I think it was in response to some other girl's emo ass email address. Like I thought it was cool or something, so I made one too. It's Watch.Me.Forget.About.You@gmail.com. I know. Real classy. Those were dark times, not gonna lie. Feel free to email me there; just don't expect a reply.

I just looked through my contacts to find the girl I based my email off of since all I remembered was that her name is Jenny, but there's like 3000 Jennys. I think she moved to Texas in fifth grade or something. Anyway, I distinctly remember that there was hella strange drama with her and my back-then friend, Justin Lee. It's weird, in elementary school, I was literally close friends/kinda friends with all the to-be popular kids like Maggie Yao, Justin Lee, Kelly Kim, Grace Moon, etc. etc. But all those friendships sort of seemed to just disappear one day. Although I'd like to think that I could still chat up Maggie any time and get a chill response. It's hard to believe everything we'd ever experience would just mean nothing. Enough on that though; I've already mulled on about how sad I get when I think of her way too many times to count. But I digress. Basically, this Jenny (Sui)'s email was/is cant.hear.me.scream.xx@gmail.com. I had decided that that was the coolest shit I'd ever seen, and so came my shitty rip off. I remember actually sitting there trying out new combinations to get one that wasn't taken and still sounded "hip" to me. Man. I never really thought I went through the emo stage, but maybe I did for just those few minutes. The thing is, I don't think I used that email for anything. Not even to sign up for random NeoPets or Gaia accounts. I just made it and left it. Kind of like a lot of people and their babies these days.

Does NeoPets still even exist? Like is it still a thing? I know the website and stuff is still up, but do a lot of people still play it?

Wake me up inside

5:48 PM
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I carry too much shit

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5:00 PM
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Y&G + My Awkwardness

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6:48 PM
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Dogs in Media

Dogs

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Sketchy Sketchy

Coding

11 August 2015

So back in June I went to my first hackathon and got second place for the category my group entered (social hack). I was kind of miffed that I got second because obviously I would have preferred getting the first place prizes, but mostly it was because I hate that feeling of being so close yet so far (it's a matter of pride). There was an award reception around a month/a month an a half later, but I didn't go because the winning and runner-up groups had to do another speech explaining their app, and I just was not mentally prepared for that (I have stage freight like many people). I guess I should have gone, but another girl in my group couldn't go either so I don't know; we only had 3 people on our team. Anyway, at first only first place winners received prizes while runner-ups only get a silver trophy (made of plastic mind you). Not to mention, they only give one trophy so only one group member can keep it. That doesn't really matter to me as much though.

Later on, the organizer mentions that the library (the hackathon was held at the library overnight) was kind enough to also provide 25 dollar amazon gift cards to the runner-ups. Naturally, I emailed him and asked when I could pick up the stuff. Apparently, one of the girls in my group had already picked the stuff up, but it's weird because she never emailed us about it. I don't know if she was hoping to just get away with keeping everything, if she just forgot, or if she was planning on doing it later. The thing is, according to the organizer (Matthew) she had picked up the stuff a week from when he replied to me. Meaning she had the stuff for around a week. The reason I'm kind of annoyed is because she (Anika) did the least work in the group. I could see that she was getting kind of annoyed because the other girl in the group (Johanna) is very controlling and, I guess some might say, bossy. She would constantly berate Anika for "not knowing how to do anything right". However, at the same time, Johanna did the most work and was the most experienced with app creation. I was in charge of the design: I created the logo and icon for the app. So in terms of how much work I did, I would say I did not do much of the actual coding (but then again we used app inventor so there wasn't much coding involved anyway). At least I did something though. I honestly believe that if I hadn't made the banner and icon, regardless of how good or bad it was, we wouldn't have gotten second (Man I sound really narcissistic here, but it's like if you create a product, put it in a white—or some other color for that matter—box, put it on the shelves, and expect people to buy it. Honestly, it's not like you own some famous brand. I guess people might just think your refusal to use labels or pictures is "edgy" and "new", but anyway, I digress). I can't really blame Anika either because I can see how it would be hard for her to do things if she would always just get yelled at for trying. I could tell she wasn't really having much fun. We were just not a very cohesive group.

What I think is shady is that after I asked who picked up the stuff, Anika replied and said that she would be at the library from 11-3 and for me to let her know if I could go meet her. I know she didn't mean today from 11-3 because it was already past 3 when she replied, meaning that she most likely meant tomorrow or sometime soon. Then later I remembered that all she had to was scratch off the metallic-looking stuff from the back of the cards and send us the codes for us to redeem. After I tell her to do this, a good while goes by when she replies that she is traveling this week and will send us the codes when she gets home. How can she be traveling and at the library from 11-3 at the same time? It's probably nothing, but I just thought it was kind of weird.

Here are some screenshots of the app we made.