The Blog of Elaine Wang

17 August 2017

I've been hanging out with Liz and Olivia a lot this week and it's made me pretty happy. I had thought Olivia was annoyed with me but that's probably because I didn't take the initiative to have conversations with her so it felt like I wasn't really interacting with her at all. So basically it's just my imagination as usual LOL.

Well I was pretty happy until just now when my mom is again making me want to die. Like what is up with her and her kitchen it's like no one but us can use it. Calm down it's just a kitchen. She has the gall to pull this bullshit on me and then continue talking casually to me about her past as if I'll give a shit after she just yelled at me and pissed me off. I'm honestly so in shock at how unreasonable she is. Then again, should I really be shocked anymore given that this issue has been a constant annoyance in my life.

I'm trying to calm down from what just happened, so I think I'll just write what happened in my dream last night.

It was about my fish. I can't really remember it that well anymore (as with all the dreams I have and don't write down immediately).

I was downstairs looking at Blue, the lone fish left in the tank, when suddenly, a blank moment happens, and I'm sitting on the couch. Somehow Charlie (the goldfish that died recently) was back inside the tank. I actually thought to myself, 'this is impossible' and asked myself if I was dreaming. I did this weird jump thing--as if that was going to prove anything--and decided no, I was not dreaming. Over the course of the dream, various fish I once had (but died) came back to life.

At some point, I was trying to pick up Blue with my bare hands to transfer him to a different tank, but obviously that didn't end well. He thrashed out and flew onto my couch. I heard a crack sound and was afraid to look. When I did, I thought I saw his tail was missing like his body broke in half. I was actually really shocked. Eventually I realized he was still fine and just placed him back in the tank. I don't really remember anything else besides the fact I found each of the revived fish in obscure areas.

There was this really weird part where I think I asked myself, 'wow, how do fish fly?'. Like there were there flying fish in my dream? I can't remember. I feel like I dreamt of fish making the motions they do in water but in the air instead. So they were flying.

Thinking of all the shitty stuff that's happening to me recently, I wonder if the gods are preforming some divine retribution for all the bad things I've done. I've probably killed way too many fish.

24 June 2015

One of my two fish died today (the goldfish); I think I've had him/her for like 1-2 years. I don't even remember if I named him/her. I don't think I did. It's weird because my friend came over the other day and asked me if I named my fish, and I said no. I just went out and buried him/her. I think I'll say he's a guy because that's how it seemed like (actually I shouldn't do that because I always see fish as males for some reason). Anyway, it was really depressing because yesterday I just saw him lying on his side at the bottom of the tank, but he was still breathing. I guess I could've put him to sleep, but I just couldn't do it. I heard people microwave their dying fish. Like why would you do that??? I'm pretty sure that's painful. I'm not even sure I have a picture of the goldfish. I didn't really want to take a picture of him when he was already dead. He seemed fine like two days ago so I don't even know what happened. The other fish is still alive. Since Goldfish (I think I'll name him Charlie) was a guy (according to me apparently), the other fish can be a girl (honestly, what is this horrible logic). I think she's probably a Gourami? She has the two whisker feeler thingies on her stomach. She's kind of mean sometimes so I'll name her Blue (even though she isn't blue) after the only velociraptor that lived in Jurassic World.

I really do feel like I named them both before at my birthday party. I think it was just a joke though so I can't remember. Probably something stupid like Tony and Loki.

Here's a picture of the not-so-blue Blue: