The Blog of Elaine Wang

23 December 2016 I am really annoyed right now. Basically me and my friends had planned a trip to Japan and Korea for our senior trip but everyone is backing out in the end. I'm honestly not that pissed that Dhanya and Chung Min backed out, because I kind of expected it. I'm more pissed that Aditi backed out because of her parents...

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8 December 2016 My mom thinks everything we buy for her breaks because we get her shitty stuff. They don't break, she just doesn't know how to use them. I am about to swing. Don't tell me something is broken if I can "fix" it in 2 seconds. She's all like ohhh I took computer classes before I know how to do things....

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3 December 2016 「我很美我很美我很美我很美 沒有什麼事能把我這大美女打倒」-a beautiful girl What does it take to be satisfied. I take a glimpse into the lives of others, they look so perfect and far away, yet still must convince themselves they are beautiful. I feel anger for what I don't have. Can I ever convince myself that I'm beautiful. Say it four times or don't, it's true either...

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1 December 2016 I never really thought about the stress of college apps. I mean I knew I had to do them, but I guess I didn't really care that much because I knew I would get in somewhere fine, and I did. I was kind of afraid, I can't say I wasn't, but it was more the fear that I would disappoint...

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8 November 2016 Or lack thereof. I thought we didn't use our phones during lunch that much, and it's true, I don't. Yet two of my friends are constantly doing something on their phone whether it be reading webtoon or watching some show. Like im glad you'd rather do something you can do anytime instead of actually interacting with people. I can't believe...

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6 November 2016 I know it's hard to believe, but I do actually want to be taught things. No, going home and reading notes and then going to school to do problems doesn't count in my opinion. Elaine, you might say, why don't you just go to class and ask the teacher for help then? How smart you are. But I wouldn't be here typing...

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30 October 2016 I hate it when people touch my stuff without asking. It makes me feel so irrationally angry. I got my admissions package from Purdue in the mail and she keeps taking it when I'm trying to read it even though she can't even read it. Like what are you staring at it for if you don't even understand English. I'm...

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27 October 2016 So instead of reading Beloved right now, I'm writing this because I was getting a little bit overwhelmed by the homework I had today. I feel like tomorrow's school day will be a train wreck. I have a Biotech meeting and those always stress me out no matter what. It's weird because the moment you're president, it feels like the...

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25 October 2016 I care. It kind of annoys/saddens me when people post on social media that nobody cares about them and they should just leave or delete their account. On one hand I understand that they may be feeling down that day, or they may have depression and anxiety and may actually believe it at times, but when they post those kinds...

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25 October 2016 This actually happened last Friday (October 21st), but I wasn't really in the mood to blog until now. Basically I got my first acceptance letter(?) from Purdue University. It was an email, but that's not really that important. It was almost the end of the school day, and I wasn't really even think about anything except for the random story...

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18 October 2016 So I've been playing the Pokemon Sun and Moon demo. I don't really know how I feel right now. I mean obviously I love it and I'm super excited for the game, but I don't have that giddy feeling. One reason is probably because I watched a livestream of it so I already know pretty much how it plays out...

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15 October 2016 During dance, we always listen to music in the background while we work out, and since I basically never listen to music on my own, I found so many songs I like from that class. It's weird because she used to play a song called We Don't Talk Anymore and I really liked the cover she played but I can't...

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13 October 2016 Man going on Facebook always makes me feel so anxious these days. And it's weird because the person making me nervous is the person I would have least expected if you asked me a few months ago. I feel a painful feeling emanating from my chest, and it just demotivates me from doing anything. I should be doing this crazy...

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4 October 2016 Okay, I really need calm down with all these consecutive blog posts but now I'm thinking even more. I just need to stop thinking. What's the point of blogging knowing that nobody is reading. Like I ask these questions knowing I'm never going to get an answer from anybody, so why am I asking. Why not just ask some real...

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4 October 2016 I know I literally just made a post like an hour ago today, but I just got some more thoughts. What are you supposed to do when you know someone is falling apart but it seems like they don't want help from you. Well I guess you could say the obvious thing to do would be to leave them alone...

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4 October 2016 I have a Physics test tomorrow and, as usual, I have no idea what is going on. I wonder if I should be going into computer science because people always say you should be good at stuff like math to go into engineering. That makes sense, but I don't really think I'm good at math. I don't get things intuitively...

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2 October 2016 I am so grateful that I have friends who care about me. I said in a previous post that I didn't care if they told me they cared because I expect it from them. Thinking back, it sounds kind of ungrateful but I didn't really mean it that way. It's just that most of them give deeper consolation than just...

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28 September 2016 I have to take them tomorrow and it's making me nervous. I feel like I'll look so bad in them and I won't even want to put it as my profile picture because it's so unflattering. I am literally the least photogenic person ever. I have such a big face and short neck no collar bones nothing is good about...

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27 September 2016 In dance we are dancing to the song Medicine. In Contemporary Literature we read Black Man White Woman in a Dark Green Rowboat. I was thinking about these two things today and how it applies to my current feelings. It's a new day, like all days, when I walk to the river dragging a boat behind me. I wonder to...

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24 September 2016 "I'm just waiting for the day she discards me because of her idealistic standards." Then why does it feel like she discarded me first. I wonder if every day I'll be regretting those words I said that day. I guess this is when I learn the advantage of white lies. ...

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24 September 2016 I feel tension in the air and I hate it. I'm sorry I'm not the person you want me to be. I'm sorry you aren't the person I thought I wanted you to be. This is like her all over again and I thought it would never happen again but here we are. I wish you didn't exist so I...

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24 September 2016 I never really know what to say to people. Literally I lead such a uneventful life. I don't really get all that invested into any one topic to the extent that I actually feel super excited talking about it. Especially because most of the time none of my friends are into those things anyway. Like I really like Pokémon, but...

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16 September 2016 I am anxious right now and can't fall asleep. I don't really know why I'm anxious. For the most part, today was a happy day. I laughed a lot and it was fun. Actually I think I do know why I'm anxious. The first biotech club meeting is tomorrow. Normally I'd just be like whatever about it, but now that...

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31 August 2016 I told my self a while back that I wanted to change myself because I became afraid of caring too much. I was afraid because I know it hurts so much when you feel like you're the only one that cares. I decided that I should change because I know that all relationships have a high potential to end, so...

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19 August 2016 I find it often that in Asian culture, children don’t talk about their problems to their parents. I can’t speak for everyone, but this is true in my family. I always find it funny when teachers or counselors at school tell us to explain to our parents our stress, issues, etc. because it just isn’t something my family does. In...

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12 August 2016 Okay so this has been bothering me for a while but I don't really know what to do about it. Well I do know; I just don't want to do it. Basically it makes me really sad and uncomfortable when people don't credit me when they use my photos. Granted, my photos aren't anything incredible and I'm sure they think...

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[I wrote this essay as my final assignment of Honors American Literature, which was a personal narrative. Mr. Carpenter wanted us to learn that absolute occurrence is irrelevant as displayed in The Things They Carried. This was the essay I turned in and read to the class. I was unsure of what to write about (as I'm sure we all were), especially because...

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8 August 2016 It's college admissions season and with it comes the arduous process of writing a bunch of mind numbing essays that are supposed to showcase myself without them actually knowing myself. I get mixed answers when I search for what the admissions offices want. Sometimes it makes sense, but a lot of the times it doesn't. People say they don't want...

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I don't like the pictures I took today. They are boring and not beautiful. I feel bad because it was photos of a girl's surprise party, a snapshot of their lives, and I couldn't do it justice. ...

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Her dad just texted Olivia back and she's just on a backpacking trip so that's a relief. Glad everything is okay. Her dad just texted Olivia back and she's just on a backpacking trip so that's a relief. Glad everything is okay. ...

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26 July 2016 Okay so apparently she should be back in America already because she was in the airport on the 15th. The last I've seen of any activity was 15th/16th so I honestly don't know what's going on. Is she at White Stag or something and I just forgot like I always do? Anyway I'm worried I even looked up plane crash...

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24 July 2016 Here is audio blog number 4, which is me randomly talking about a fanfiction I was reading and about a friend's birthday/birthdays in general and lost friendships. I skipped 2 and 3 which were both recorded on the 22nd because 2 is me ranting about random shit for an hour and 3 is just me freaking out about the birthday...

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20 July 2016 This is my first time recording an audio blog/podcast thing and it's pretty bad, but I mean there's a first for everything. I sound so awkward and use the words "like" and "I don't even know" way too many times it's embarrassing to listen to. But I had fun with the parts where I was talking about my own life...

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20 July 2016 It's summer vacation right now and, obviously, I've therefore been sleeping at ungodly hours, but I still seem to wake up at the same time. It's weird because when I sleep at 12-3 for example, I still wake up naturally at 11-12, but when I sleep at 5 like I did the previous night, I still wake up at 11-12....

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15 July 2016 I feel like one of my friends is annoyed by me. It feels like she thinks I'm really spoiled and can't do anything myself, which I guess is kind of true, but it makes me feel bad because I like her and am always impressed by the drive she has to achieve. I know I should probably just ask her...

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28 June 2016 I want to feel that feeling that I can do anything. I want to feel it so badly. They say you can do anything if you make it a habit to get there. I'm crying because I want that feeling so much. I want to be like the people I see on Instagram Facebook TV that look like they're able...

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27 June 2016 I think almost everyone already knows about the phenomenon in which we talk about bad things more than the good things. My Biology teacher told us that we should write three things that we are looking forward to/happy about every morning because it would really improve our lives in the long run. I guess happy things are just boring? It...

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26 June 2016 This Thursday (June 30th) I'm freeloading on my friend Olivia's car to go to LA for Anime Expo (AX). Yeah I already went to LA like last week but I'm going again because I guess that's just how things worked out. Also, as I mentioned in my previous post, I'm freeloading with a friend again because I don't want my...

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16 June 2016 Why are my parents always yelling at each other. I was supposed to be happy today since I'm leaving for LA but of course I'm crying instead because my dad decided to keep yelling at my mom. Because my mom is often so unreasonable, now my dad is cautious of the motives of everything she does and says even when...

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4 June 2016 Every time my mom walks into the room/area I just tense up and feel the mood in the room go to shit. Like I know she's going to sit down on the couch and start talking about bullshit in her past and get really mad about stupid shit and then my dad is going to get mad at my mom...

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26 May 2016  One week left and I'm done. They said junior year wouldn't be as bad as people say, and I feel that now that I'm almost done I would be able to say that too. Even though I know it's not true for the sophomores about to start it. Everything difficult looks brighter once it's already over. One week left and...

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18 May 2016 Why can't things just be simple so people don't have to be sad. I don't know what I'm trying to say. It just came up in my mind. I don't really freak out over things or break down or have panic attacks or anything of that nature. I guess I don't really care enough to. Right now I feel like...

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12 April 2016 Yesterday night my friend asked me if I was there. I said yes. But I feel asleep soon after so when she replied again asking if I was still there because she needed to talk, I didn't hear. I went to a math practice test this morning at 8 and saw the text. I replied but didn't get an answer...

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29 March 2016 So I got grilled just now but now I'm thinking back and I don't know anymore. I hate it when a teacher stops trusting you for some reason and I just hate this feeling. I wish I could forget it all. ...

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28 March 2016 I might have just done something incredibly stupid, and now it's too late to go back. Did I really just ruin my whole life for this dumb thing. I had every opportunity to back out but I continued and now I just want it to be over. I swear my heart is going 3000 miles an hour. I don't know...

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23 March 2016 You'd think after all these years of math and math tests, it'd get progressively less nerve wracking. But it's actually getting worse and worse. This is some directly proportional shit. We have literally been doing math since day one of our education to now, and since then we've been doing test after test, all culminating to this point, and you...

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