6 July 2015

I just wish that my mom would stop being so ugh. I see my cousins, who are here from Taiwan right now, and I just think of how lucky they are. They are so pretty, and they're mom isn't crazy. What am I even doing. I'm so irritated. I know I'm pretty lucky too, to have what I have, but I don't know. I feel so annoyed that I'm not what I want to be, and it's my own fault. 

It's really weird because sometimes I think about how it would feel to kill someone, but at the same time, I know I wouldn't do it. I was thinking the other day that one of the reasons I want to learn how to lucid dream is that I would be able to feel the feeling of killing something, but not actually do it in reality. I guess it wouldn't be the same though since part of the experience is the feeling that you actually just ended someone's life, and there's no way you can take it back.