The Blog of Elaine Wang

17 February 2016

I take naps when I'm tired. But, most of the time, I take naps when I'm sad or angry or anxious. When I'm sleeping nobody can bother me, nor can I feel any emotion. Today should have been a good day since it's my birthday. I'm not even sure if it's a bad day. Yesterday I had my karaoke birthday party, and it was really fun, but after the party, one of my friends (Aditi) slept over. Normally that would have been fine, but I'm not sure if she is mad at me or something. Today at like 7:30 AM, she went home without telling me; in the middle of the night, she went downstairs to sleep on the couch. I already knew that the makeshift bed in my room was a bit too small since she is really tall, so I guess it was more uncomfortable than she let off. I feel bad for that. We should have just slept downstairs. She has slept over before, but I guess, before, the floor-bed my mom set up was more comfortable. Maybe she didn't tell me she was leaving because she didn't want to make it awkward? Or because I was still sleeping? I'm just afraid she's mad/annoyed because she hasn't texted me, even after I texted her a few times already. I even texted the group text with Dhanya and her to ask about our San Francisco trip tomorrow, but neither one replied. The trip is literally tomorrow. Like is it happening?

I felt kind of sad because of that, and I was getting really anxious. Then my mom started talking about her shitty past again when I was trying to watch Prince of Stride, so I just went to sleep. I always regret it when I do it since I basically sleep a whole day away—my birthday this time at that—but I guess what's done is done.

I wonder if we are still going to San Francisco tomorrow. I really want to go. Everything was supposed to be fine. If it messes up, then I guess I should've known seeing as though Aditi and I were talking about how screwed up our friend's lives are becoming.

Yesterday, when we were at karaoke, I jokingly said to Girl C that she should run away one day to live in my basement since her parents are giving her such a hard time. She said that she actually did think of running away just yesterday; she looked so pained. Before even going to karaoke, Girl D suddenly had to leave my preliminary house party. Aditi texted her, and apparently her parents said that she was wasting time. I mean come on, it's break. It's just one day.

Before we went to sleep, Aditi and I talked about how we felt like their lives were spiraling downward. Girl C had said that she was/is hurting herself, and her dumbass boyfriend that we all dislike isn't helping matters. Guy C who confessed to her literally a few days ago isn't really helping things either. Girl D seems to be on the exact same path as Aditi's brother, which is really bad in an emotional sense. Why does everything just suck. We were saying how we wished Girl C could come with us to San Francisco tomorrow instead of going with Guy C and someone else to Valley Fair. I'm sure she's happy to go, so I don't know. Why do I have to watch everyone crash and burn knowing I can't do anything about it. It's like sitting there and watching a train wreck happen in slow motion. I'm not MacGyver; I can't save anyone. I mean it's their parents. What can any of us do but be there. But we can't really be there all the time either. I just don't know. I'm not one of those people.

8 February 2017

Holy shit he annoys me. He raises his hand to answer every question. That's fine. If you want to share your view and learn more, that's good on you. But sometimes I just get so frustrated because every time he says some long winded analysis of The Great Gatsby or whatever, everyone is like holy shit that was so deep. Like I don't think it was that good though? It wasn't actually that "deep" though? Am I crazy??? He always says shit in a voice that gives off an air of 'wow I'm so smart and good at everything'.

Just now he was debating about Obama crying during his speech with this other dude sitting next to him, and he was so adamant that he had a "valid argument even though it's a cynical view" as if having a cynical view is something to be so proud of. I am generally a cynical person, but I don't parade around talking as if I'm the shit and that I'm so special because I'm cynical about things. He literally was going around in circles basically just repeating his argument that 'oh everybody has a decision to cry or not cry. If Obama wanted to cry during his speech, he could have done it, but he also could have easily not done it.' Um okay. I wasn't aware that that was how emotions worked. Are you trying to tell me that every time I've ever cried, I could have just easily willed myself to stop? Maybe other people can, but I'm pretty sure that most people can't. If I could save myself the embarrassment, pity, and disgusting snot every time I cried, don't you think I would do it? His argument was that everything the president does is planned beforehand. Sure, that makes some sense. But why are you SO sure that his tears weren't genuine. Now I'm not saying that they were genuine, but it wouldn't be a stretch to say that they were because, damn, all these bitches should just go into acting; who needs to be president anyway. And then he starts saying how Obama didn't cry when he was talking about other "sad" things. Man what a shocker that sometimes I cry when something as shallow as an anime character dying happens, but I don't cry when thousands of real people die from some earthquake. People don't just cry at every unfortunate event. Emotions are complex things, don't just automatically simplify them to a means of political gain, even if that may be what it is.

What really ticked me off was that he would constantly repeat, "No, but you need to understand", "You must recognize", etc. in that slow patronizing tone that just sets me off. I was internally glaring at him the whole time. His only saving grace is that when he goes off on his long analysis tangents, that means the teacher has less of a chance of calling on me through cold call. It pisses me off even more because it seems like people actually like him, and I just wonder how and why. That sounds really depressing and salty-bitchish but 5real though. Sometimes I just feel like hanging him from the ceiling like Mr. DeRuiter and his damn cape.

26 January 2016

Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. I'm so annoyed. Apparently the English version of FE Fates won't have the petting feature. Like r u 5real here??? Why can't these people just leave well enough alone. Why can't I just be allowed to pet my cuties. Like is the west really so filled with over-sensitive babies? God damn. It's not even a required feature, so people who don't want to use it can just not use it (you would think it'd be this simple, but apparently some people are idiots). I hear people all like, "man, back in my day, fe was hella hard and there was only a small relationship aspect. Now it's all just fanservice up the wazoo." Like I'm sorry that you're such a spoilsport? Maybe there hasn't been enough "wazoo"ing in your life?

Apparently there was some "suggestive" dialogue during the petting scenes. No. Shit. What a world we live in right? Games have suggestive dialogue that aren't rated M. I've never seen that anywhere ever. Can we please stop assuming that everyone here is a god damn infant. I THINK WE CAN ALL HANDLE iT, and if we can't, maybe we should all grow up.

I am not even ashamed to admit I was greatly looking forward to the petting aspect. It's so cute. I love stuff like Pokemon Amie and shit. Sue me. Like how is killing people any more acceptable than "suggestive" content. I'm pretty damn sure chill sex is friendlier than murder. The latter of which happens to be illegal. Shocking, I know.

24 January 2016

Every time I read this it makes me smile because, I mean, damn Lincoln was takin' names even before we had names. This man is insane. Just read this and tell me that it's not amazing. He's just laying on those sick burns one after another. Honestly, he's basically saying "TAKE CARE" BITCHES YA'LL DON'T KNOW SHIT.

"If A. can prove, however conclusively, that he may, of right, enslave B.—why may not B. snatch the same argument, and prove equally, that he may enslave A?—

You say A. is white, and B. is black. It is color, then; the lighter, having the right to enslave the darker? Take care. By this rule, you are to be slave to the first man you meet, with a fairer skin than your own.

You do not mean color exactly? You mean the whites are intellectually the superiors of the blacks, and, therefore have the right to enslave them? Take care again. By this rule, you are to be slave to the first man you meet, with an intellect superior to your own.

But, say you, it is a question of interest; and, if you can make it your interest; you have the right to enslave another. Very well. And if he can make it his interest, he has the right to enslave you."