The Blog of Elaine Wang

I'm trying to calm down from what just happened, so I think I'll just write what happened in my dream last night.

It was about my fish. I can't really remember it that well anymore (as with all the dreams I have and don't write down immediately).

I was downstairs looking at Blue, the lone fish left in the tank, when suddenly, a blank moment happens, and I'm sitting on the couch. Somehow Charlie (the goldfish that died recently) was back inside the tank. I actually thought to myself, 'this is impossible' and asked myself if I was dreaming. I did this weird jump thing--as if that was going to prove anything--and decided no, I was not dreaming. Over the course of the dream, various fish I once had (but died) came back to life.

At some point, I was trying to pick up Blue with my bare hands to transfer him to a different tank, but obviously that didn't end well. He thrashed out and flew onto my couch. I heard a crack sound and was afraid to look. When I did, I thought I saw his tail was missing like his body broke in half. I was actually really shocked. Eventually I realized he was still fine and just placed him back in the tank. I don't really remember anything else besides the fact I found each of the revived fish in obscure areas.

There was this really weird part where I think I asked myself, 'wow, how do fish fly?'. Like there were there flying fish in my dream? I can't remember. I feel like I dreamt of fish making the motions they do in water but in the air instead. So they were flying.

Thinking of all the shitty stuff that's happening to me recently, I wonder if the gods are preforming some divine retribution for all the bad things I've done. I've probably killed way too many fish.

15 July 2015

I don't even know what to say anymore. I was about to type out everything that happened (and is currently still happening), but I'm just so tired. She's crazy. I can't do anything because she's my mom. I hate it. I'm so angry inside. I wondered why everyone in my family ends up crazy (my second sister seems okay now, but I wonder if that's because she's off at college away from my mom doing happier things). My mom always says that we always say stuff is her fault. I wonder why. Nobody even really says stuff is her fault. I really want to though. She says I'm becoming like my oldest sister (not a compliment in this case). Well I wonder why for that too. Who's fault do you think it is that we both happen to want to yell at you and push you out the door. I feel like I'm going insane.

[This one was taken from an actual written diary that I was planning on using for dreams, but I always had school so I only ever wrote one down haha. As a warning, this thing makes no sense and has horrible grammar.]

Plastic Gold and Beheading // 3 July 2014, 5:42 AM

I actually had a dream that I had a dream, woke up, recorded it, and then went back to sleep. I can't remember the dream I supposedly recorded though. The dream I just woke up from started out with me walking towards my room and seeing Amy downstairs. I was suddenly in her room and saw that the Yu-Gi-Oh cards were back on the bookshelf. I also saw the boxing for the gold edition Pokemon X and Y 3DS XL/LL. I think I had a previous dream, which I had forgotten, that also had this 3DS in her room. Anyway, some guy walks up to me and asks if it's a 3DS or a 3DS XL (but he said LL for some reason). Amy, who's sitting in the chair across from the bookcase, replies that it's a regular 3DS. Normally in dreams you just go with the flow, but this time I feel like I did know she was wrong. I had this long conversation with the random dude about why it was so expensive or whatever. The 3DS looked so weird: it had buttons on the top too. It also felt like plastic (I knocked on it). Halfway through, I think it even turned black. Apparently, it was so expensive because of the button they added to open it because "nobody knew it as there". Okay. Then I'm downstairs at the white couches sitting, using the glass table across from Amy. I start up Maplestory of all things and awkwardly turn down the theme music since it was so loud. I think I was embarrassed of playing it. Grace walks over and I feel like she referred to something I forgot in a dream between the 3DS and now. She then went all 'oh wow, you're playing Maplestory again. You play everyday'. Which I don't. She leaves. In the game I was doing Ludi PQ, but it didn't feel like it. There was an update that changed it. In the middle of it I think my conscious decided that no, we were actually in R&J PQ. But not really. I remember thinking, 'where are the roids'. At some point, I got transported into the game, which was nothing like Maplestory, yet it was in my mind. There was a stage where only 3 people of 5 could pass, so I killed 2 members by biting their heads off. The 3rd guy was some black dude [why did I even include this???] who convinced me not to kill him. As this was happening, the 5th (now 3rd) person, who looked like Kazuki from Get Backers, slipped through before us. We caught up to him at a stage where it felt like a dead end. I told them I'd search it up on the guide. Things got trippy here. I had the phone in-game, but where I searched. I was sudden'y back in the normal Maplestory in the real world. I told them to go back because there was a portal we missed. I imagined the Lion King's/Heart Castle map. Then I woke up I think.

END 6:35 AM, go back to sleep.

[Wow, it took me an hour to write this thing (like actually write it, not just now where I typed it, if you can tell by the times I actually recorded).]

[These are copied directly from a document I made a while back. I'm planning on recording my dreams, and it would bother me if I didn't start from the beginning I guess. On a side note, reading these make me cringe. Especially the last one.]

Saturday // 21 July, 2012

I was in the backyard of my house with my entire family except Amy. I started talking to Grace who was, for some reason, wearing an anime-style school girl mini skirt. She was extremely pretty. I don’t remember what we were saying.

Grace went back inside the house, and some guy who looked like the Master from Doctor Who came from the gate at the left side of the backyard. According to my parents, he was supposed to be visiting. It was weird because, when I saw him, it felt like I knew him, but at the same time, it felt like I didn’t. I picked up Kyle and waved at him. He smiled at me and said hi. His smile sort of reminded me of the Master’s smile: cynical, dangerous. He offered to shake hands with me, I’m not sure why, but my body just moved on its own. I don’t know if I wanted to, but I went ahead and took his hand anyway. Nothing bad happened, so it was sort of anticlimactic.

Grace came back outside, and suddenly we started talking about Yu-Gi-Oh. It was like we knew him since forever. They were talking about the games. I said I didn’t really like the games. They stared at me like I had three heads, so I tried reasoning with them. I said I liked the show, just not the games because I didn’t exactly know how to play. Some arguing happened, and then I had one of those blank spots that you have in dreams. Where time just seems to skip. Where everything just seems to blur over and you aren’t quite sure what’s going on.

When it all came back, we were still in the same place, except I was sitting down. I heard the guy say something about Doctor Who and jolted up saying that I knew what it was. He and Grace just looked at me with a ‘wtf’ face; I had another blank spot.

When the dream returned, I apparently just woke up on a couch. The weird part is, I woke up ON the guy from before. Well, not exactly on top of him per say. I was sort of leaning on him; he was still sleeping. The feeling I had was like I knew him forever, and he was my best friend. I don’t really know how to explain. Then my dad started yelling at me about something. I looked at the guy; he was still sleeping somehow. Now that I think about it, I have a feeling he was faking it so I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I got up and sat down next to the the couch (this was in the area of the white couches with the table in the middle). I leaned on the table, and my dad continued yelling about piano. I said I would go play, but he continued yelling about a bunch of other useless stuff I don’t remember. All I know is, what he said made me extremely depressed and frustrated. I started crying and ran upstairs to my room. I got onto my bed and went to sleep. I vaguely remember the guy walking in and also going to sleep. I think we were having a sleepover. Then, the dream faded away.

When I woke up for real, I actually didn’t know that I was awake. I assumed I was still in the dream, so I kept my eyes closed. After a while, I don’t know how long because I was sort of out of it, I opened my eyes. You know, how when you wake up and you don’t really know what’s going on? Furthermore, I still thought I was dreaming. So I continued crying. Then, I finally realized that I was no longer dreaming; I was crying for real. I genuinely felt really sad. The dream felt so real, but now it doesn’t feel real at all. It’s like once you fully enter consciousness, a dream is simply a dream. It’s like it never happened. It’s sad really, I never found out that guy’s name. I wish I did. He seemed really nice.

FIN.

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Friday // 5 July, 2013

I don’t really remember the beginning of the dream, but the end was very impacting. I was at some random person’s house with a girl and a guy. I can’t remember what they looked like. For some reason, I was sitting on the ground holding a handgun, and the guy was lying on the bed holding a rifle type of gun. The girl was just on the side sitting there. It seems like we were conversing normally, but I don’t think the conversation was very pleasant.

At some point, the guy fired his gun and it barely missed my head. I felt it graze my hair. I stood up and started yelling at him. It didn’t really feel like I was angry though. I started to become extremely nervous because he was aiming his gun toward me while smiling. It really felt like he was going to kill me. I aimed my gun at him as well. The girl was now sitting on the bed; she was also smiling. Then he actually shot. I thought I was about to die so I pulled the trigger immediately, in shock. Apparently he didn’t actually mean to kill me because the bullet never hit me. But my bullet hit him straight in the head. I stared at him in complete stupor; I couldn’t believe I legitimately murdered someone. The girl was looking at him with surprise as well. Maybe she was his sister. I think the shock of killing him woke me up.

I had to go biking early in the morning today so I went to sleep at 8:45 PM. When I woke up it was only 12 AM. I have no idea why I had such a scary dream. I wasn’t thinking of killing or guns before I went to sleep. I always tell myself to remember my dreams, but after a few hours I totally forget them. I wonder why that happens. They feel so real until you wake up.

FIN.

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Wednesday // 7 August, 2013

This is the first dream where I actually met a celebrity that I wanted to meet. I was at a Target store, but it looked more like Costco. It had a cafe in it that may or may not have been a Starbucks, and while I was passing by, I saw Tom Hiddleston standing near one of the tables. I’m really awkward with people, especially adults. It’s even worse because he’s a guy, he’s famous, and he’s attractive. But I decided that it was a one in a lifetime chance, so I was going to go walk up to him and tell him how amazing he is. I had to stop though because I heard him talking on the phone to someone. It sounded like he was frustrated or annoyed. I remember because I was so taken aback since he is known for always being positive, happy, and smiley. I mean, obviously I knew he could get mad, everyone has their bad days. It was just a different emotion than what the fans usually see.

I don’t really remember who he was talking to, which sucks because I specifically told myself to remember the conversation he had after I had woken up. I think he was saying something like: “You can’t always expect me to sort this stuff out for you!” So this is all kind of irrelevant because it’s just a dream. It’s not like it really happened so I’m not missing out on any new information or anything. I don’t know if I forgot the rest of the dream or just woke up after that. I got one of those blur moments.

It’s kind of sad how even when I meet my favorite actor in a dream, I don’t get to talk to him. Really though, you aren’t even going to give me that. Jesus christ, there are all these people saying they want to rut against Benedict Cumberbatch, or have Tom Hiddleston’s babies, but I seriously just want to meet them and tell them how wonderful I think they are without looking like a tit. I think they are great people and I love them, but definitely not romantically. I’m fourteen, they’re in their thirties. They are also famous and beautiful human beings. I am extremely unflattering, and just no. I know unachievable when I see it.

I see people (very few of them) on Tumblr that are completely obsessed with him. Like they are literally facing some psychological crisis because of him. And reading about it freaks me out. I’m not trying to be rude or anything but darling please. Did you really just put “*wibbles” at the end of your sentence. Maybe I’m being insensitive because I really don’t understand what the hell is going on with you.

FIN.