The Blog of Elaine Wang

24 June 2015

One of my two fish died today (the goldfish); I think I've had him/her for like 1-2 years. I don't even remember if I named him/her. I don't think I did. It's weird because my friend came over the other day and asked me if I named my fish, and I said no. I just went out and buried him/her. I think I'll say he's a guy because that's how it seemed like (actually I shouldn't do that because I always see fish as males for some reason). Anyway, it was really depressing because yesterday I just saw him lying on his side at the bottom of the tank, but he was still breathing. I guess I could've put him to sleep, but I just couldn't do it. I heard people microwave their dying fish. Like why would you do that??? I'm pretty sure that's painful. I'm not even sure I have a picture of the goldfish. I didn't really want to take a picture of him when he was already dead. He seemed fine like two days ago so I don't even know what happened. The other fish is still alive. Since Goldfish (I think I'll name him Charlie) was a guy (according to me apparently), the other fish can be a girl (honestly, what is this horrible logic). I think she's probably a Gourami? She has the two whisker feeler thingies on her stomach. She's kind of mean sometimes so I'll name her Blue (even though she isn't blue) after the only velociraptor that lived in Jurassic World.

I really do feel like I named them both before at my birthday party. I think it was just a joke though so I can't remember. Probably something stupid like Tony and Loki.

Here's a picture of the not-so-blue Blue:

18 June 2015

So my dad got his paycheck today, but he was telling me about how his company isn't doing too great so he always gets the check late. Hopefully it doesn't close down. I would actually cry forever. I'm a spoiled child; I can't not have money.

13 June 2015

I'm wondering if my family is running out of money because my mom always seems to be talking about money these days. I mean my dad still has his job, but I guess I have two sisters in college. The oldest one is almost done, but her college is hella expensive. My other sister got a scholarship but it can't be cheap either.

11 June 2015

So I don't understand why my mom tells me all this random bullshit and expects me to. It's not even like actual legitimate problems I should care about, and I'm just being an asshole about it; the problems are literally so damn stupid. It's like "this one relative (let's call her A) owes money on TWO credit cards (oh my god, I know right), and she asked ME to turn in the checks for her (keep in mind it's not like we're paying for her). Like why can't she ask her brother. Also, her sister (B) used like 1,000 dollars to buy coach bags from America to sell in Taiwan (a common practice by the way), and A is going to Taiwan soon, probably to collect back the money B owes for the bags." That's all fine and good, BUT THEN: "I ONLY HAVE ONE COACH BAG, AND IT WAS A GIFT FROM SOMEONE A LONG TIME AGO. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW COACH WAS A HIGH CLASS BRAND. THEY PROBABLY SAW THE BAG IN OUR HOUSE AND THOUGH I BUY SO MANY COACH BAGS. UGH. WHO LOOKS AT SOMEONES STUFF AND JUDGES THEM BASED ON THAT." That's literally what she screamed (in Chinese). I could not believe my ears. Actually I could because I already knew that my mom is crazy, but that's besides the point. The point is, who the hell thinks up bullshit like that? Right. So someone comes into our house, sees a Coach bag and automatically thinks you buy so many Coach bags, and you're a crazy money spender because of it. Okay??? First of all, that's the most idiotic logic I've ever heard. Second of all, you're stupid. Third of all, what does that even have anything to do with A being 5,000 dollars in debt? Fourth of all, why would it even matter to you even if they did think that? Them selling bags has 0% relation with you owning a Coach bag. I just. I actually wouldn't even care if she just thought that in her head because then I wouldn't have to hear it, but why does she find the need to spout the bullshit to me? Why does she even expect me care? I don't understand?!? And I can't even do anything because she's my mom and we're Asian.

I can already feel my dad coming home and her telling the same damn thing to him thinking he'll care and agree and then him getting mad at her because he recognizes how stupid her logic is and then her getting mad at him because she thinks she's always right and that everybody else is just against her (which is kind of true because she always constructs these crazy plots where everyone is judging her), and it will all just suck a lot. Like the weird debt thing she's mad about I can can kind of understand, but the second part about the bags is just so crazy to me I can't even comprehend. Either way, I don't care about the first part either, so why is she telling it to me. If she's so angry then just go say it to A's face. My mom always talks about how people talk about her behind her back as if she doesn't do the same thing all the time. God dammit.

[EDIT] I'm laughing really hard right now (but not really) because my mom just opened the door to my room (like 5 minutes after I published the above), and my dog just runs in. She's calling my dog to go out, but he's totally ignoring her. And then I'm mad so I'm ignoring her as well, so she's like, "What did I do wrong that you are all ignoring me?" I find that so funny. She doesn't even know, and that's what's so freaking sad about all of this. I should be crying instead.

5 June 2015

It's tomorrow. Unlike the Math SAT II, I don't feel confident at all because I didn't practice at all. I'm cramming right now and its already 10:25 PM. I'm kind of wondering about my life and my choices haha. Something really depressing happened in my game today, so I'll take that as a sign to stop playing useless games and start studying. I won't ever regret studying too hard. I'm tired of pretending I don't care about anything. I don't want to fail. I want to get into a good college. The time to start learning is now. I can't do all the stupid shit I did this year; I have to work hard in Junior year. I'm writing all this so I can't give up or else I'm just lying to myself.

4 June 2015

And now I have a B in History. I had a 90, but I got a 70% on the final so now I have a 87. How did I even get 30 problems wrong on the final??? I didn't think I did that bad as I was taking it. At least I kept my A in Math. But I also have a B in Chemistry. Seriously though, who even gets a B in 10th grade History of all things?! Me apparently. I emailed my teacher hoping to get some extra thing I could do, but I doubt he'll give it to me. I've always dreaded having to email my teachers about grades (I've never done it before until today) because I don't want to annoy them you know? But I don't want to regret never doing it. I really like him as a teacher 'cause he's a really cool person, so I don't want him to dislike me. I doubt sending an email about grades is going to make him hate me, but I just don't like that feeling that you're bothering someone. Grades are arbitrary but they really aren't. My dad is going to be all like 'wtf' when he sees I got a B in History. Ughhh. History isn't easy but I just felt like it was one of those random classes, and that's my fault I guess.